Are You Crazy or Is It Me?

Do you hear voices when no one is around? I do, and I’m not crazy. At least I don’t think I am.

The voice I hear has been described as an “Interior Narrator,” and apparently lots of us have one. Some studies say it’s a 50-50 split; some say it’s more like 30-70. Still, if only 30 percent of people have one, that’s a pretty big number.

The divide between the haves and the have-nots seems to be unbridgeable. My husband, firmly in the have-not category, has no idea what I’m talking about. His thoughts are “non-verbal,” which conveys exactly nothing to me. How does a person have a non-verbal thought? (My husband’s suggestion: visualizing a map instead of relying on street signs.)

I’ve heard the Interior Narrator described (by someone who does not have one) as a voice in your head that never shuts up. Not so, at least not in my case. It’s usually close to inaudible, and only becomes clear when I put my attention on it.

I didn’t know how useful an inner voice could be until I started writing Charley’s Horse. For the two years it took to complete the novel, I heard every single sentence before writing it down. It was just like taking dictation. Easy peasy.

It hadn’t always been so easy.

I’ve loved novels all my life, but knew I’d never write one. The writing part didn’t worry me; I knew I could write. The problem was inventing a plot. In my heart of hearts, I knew I had nothing to say.

How did I know? A nasty voice in my head told me so, loudly and often. I now think of that voice as my Bad Angel. In those days my Good Angel usually kept its mouth shut.

One day all that changed. I was hiking up the hill behind my house when my Good Angel spoke up, asking when I was going to start writing my novel. My Bad Angel broke in, snarling at me to forget it. I’d never come up with a plot.

Oh, yeah? My Good Angel answered. Just listen to this. In that moment, the plot of Charley’s Horse, from beginning to end, unfolded in my mind. I started writing the novel that afternoon and have never looked back.

Charley’s Horse came to me in words and sentences and whole paragraphs. I thought that was because the story had been rolling around in my head for more than 30 years. I already knew it, so of course writing it down was easy.

Then I started Dog Days, a book whose story I didn’t know. The voice is still there, dictating every word. I literally don’t know what the next sentence will be until I hear it in my head.

Starting in November of 2019, I’ve filled three composition books with longhand manuscript, and I’m not finished yet. I can’t wait to see how Dog Days turns out.

Enough about me. What happens when you write? It doesn’t have to be a novel. I hear my voice when writing emails or even a grocery list.

Use the space below to explore the voices in your head.

(I’ll tackle the election some other time.)